And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
