Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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