She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
