Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
