Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
