Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
