i think i have two assholes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
