she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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