Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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