Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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