Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
