I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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