I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
