some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
