I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
