I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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