About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
