Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
