So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
