respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
