for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
