I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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