if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
