If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
