remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize