so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
