He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
tell me about the fingering
Randomize