I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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