ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
MIDGETS
????
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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