Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
