Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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