Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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