I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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