OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hate all girls vehemently.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
