its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
