Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize