First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
