I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize