Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
