if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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