My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My breasts were aching with rage.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
