yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
