just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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