Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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