he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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