I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
