last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize