No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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