When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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