i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
