Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
