do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
