I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Randomize
