There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
