I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
