She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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