A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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