ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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