I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
