I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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