The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
