I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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