I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
wow bdsm is so cute
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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