He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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