whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
