i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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