I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
