i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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