im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
