im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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