break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
