I wish I could teleport
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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