So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
