I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize