she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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