So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
