I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
