idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
