Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
