I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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