Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
